Captain Jack: You are returning to the industry after 5 years away. Why did you leave?
Siri: It was a combination of things. I did an interview for AVN recently and we talked about it. It was a combination of things in my personal life that was really taxing, in terms of my mental health. As most people know, especially OG Siri fans, I was married. I’m not married anymore. I got married when I was very young and my partner was quite a bit older than me. I see it very differently now than I did at the time. It took me a couple of years to realize that I was really not happy in that relationship. So part of it was, that I didn’t want to be in that relationship anymore and since he was there from the beginning and was essentially my assistant, I was like, how do I continue to do my business but not be in a relationship with this person. Trying to separate those things was just overwhelming at the time. And it was just compounded by depression and I hadn’t felt close to my family for a couple of years. My family really hated that I was doing porn. I feel like a lot of performers don’t talk about it, that’s why I’m talking about it when people ask. Sure, I’ll give you an honest answer. The fact that no one talked about it made it harder for me. I felt like I was the only one going through it. In a nutshell, the big three reasons were a personal relationship, family relationship and just, in general, depression setting in which was a combination of those two other things. To be honest, depression runs in my family. I’ve had family members on both sides that have dealt with that so mental illness can be hereditary. I’m predisposed to have that struggle and the stigma also of being in sex work didn’t make it easier. There were a bunch of factors and I didn’t have the coping mechanisms at all to really figure out what I needed to do. I just decided to blow it all up! Leave the industry and disappear! And that’s exactly what I did. I didn’t really tell anyone anything. I might have told two or three other performers that I was close to but everyone was surprised.
CJ: There were so many rumors going around but the one that stuck to me was some director called you fat and you got pissed off and left.
Siri: (laughs) That’s kind of a hilarious observation. To me, it’s funny because it’s so much the opposite of what I’m like. I’m not that easily offended so it’s funny that someone could speculate that it could happen that way. I understand why there would be that speculation because I was really defensive about it back then. And I still think it was for good reason. Now, Kim Kardashian and whoever else is around brought the concept of ‘thick’ being a thing. You’re not a very slender woman with big boobs or a teen look. You’re not a BBW but thick which is pretty close to the average body type. When I first started in 2012, I didn’t really see anybody that looked like me. Early, early Angela White, when she first started out, I thought that we were similar and I thought it was super cool when I finally got to shoot for her in 2013. But, early on, I didn’t see many people who reflected what I wanted to be in the industry. That’s why I fought so hard not to be pigeon-holed into a BBW niche. A lot of people tried to do that at first and I got mad about it a lot. I really fought it and it was a hard thing to fight because I was trying to toe the line of saying ‘No, I don’t want to be labeled as a BBW!’ It’s not that I have a problem with BBW’s as a label, not at all. I’m not judging anyone of any size. It’s just that I realize that BBW is a niche that is owned by these women who created it for themselves. I don’t fit that so I wanted to stay in my own lane! I don’t know how tactful I was but I would get a little annoyed. Nowadays, I don’t have to be as ‘on guard’ about it because there are so many performers in the years that I’ve been retired who have come out and been successful. And I’m super appreciative of that. It’s awesome.
CJ: You went back to school during your hiatus, what did you get your degree in?
Siri: My degree’s in Communications and Gender Studies.
CJ: You also mentioned your family in the AVN article. How are they taking your comeback?
Siri: They’re doing well. (laughs) They’re doing honestly well. I think a huge difference is a fact that I’m 31 now and, not only did I retire from porn for 5 years, I’ve been able to spend a lot of time hanging out with my parents over the last 5 years. They always knew me before, I always had a close-knit family, but it turned things on its head when I moved to LA and started doing porn. They were, ‘We don’t know who you are anymore!’ But now, we’ve had 5 years to figure out where everyone stands and so things are a lot better. And I had to “come out” again to my parents just in the past couple of months and their reactions aren’t overwhelmingly positive. They’re both disappointed because they hoped that I would have a “normal” job. That’s their wording, not mine. But, overall, it’s a pretty good place to be in. I still hang out with my mom. She doesn’t get it. My parents are boomers and my mom is kind of conservative and she tries to understand. She says, ‘I don’t know if I can get there….’ Because, in her mind, doing sex work is something that’s degrading. She’s having a hard time understanding how it could be empowering. I ask if I can send her links to SFW articles. I just need them to understand. I have personal friends who don’t understand why I want to do sex work. It’s a process of allowing a person room to process what’s going on and then they can understand that I’m the same person. Just because this is what I like to do and this is the job I have, it doesn’t make me a different person. And that’s the same way I treat it with my parents.
CJ: And why did you decide to return? The AVN article said that money was the main motivating factor.
Siri: (laughs) That was a little bit of a paraphrase and I think there’s a little bit more nuance to it than what I was even saying at the time. I think the quote that was in that article was verbatim but I think there was a little more context around it. There wasn’t room in the article to fill it out. Essentially, going back to before I retired from porn. This is an aside but what I found interesting coming back is that it’s a lot easier with OnlyFans, Private Snapchat, etc., it’s a lot easier to have a sustainable, dependable monthly income that doesn’t depend on certain companies hiring you. It was getting to where it was on the horizon when I retired but it wasn’t there yet. I really depended on four boys/girl shoots in a month; that’s how I used to budget. Things are very different now. That being said, my income before I retired, I thought I was making so much money. But I was only 23 and had only part-time jobs as a college student. But, relatively, I look back and say, ‘No, you were not!’ I was making six figures but when you’re living in Los Angeles and supporting two people, it’s not. As I said, my ex-husband was my assistant, he didn’t have his own full-time job. I was essentially supporting two people with one person’s income and living and renting in LA. I didn’t make much money. Things are better now because performers have so much of the power now.
I will say I had a good chunk of savings when I retired and I put it into going back to school and renting a new apartment. Of course, reality sets in and I’m working civilian jobs that pay more than minimum wage but nothing I would consider a living wage. Especially considering when I went back to school, I still had to take out student loans. That’s what I was trying to get at in the AVN interview. I have the experience of being completely buried in student loans which is a very millennial thing to feel. (laughs) Most of my friends in my personal life, have Master’s Degrees and they have 100K in student debt and they might never find a civilian job that actually enables them to live a life that they want and also pay off their debts. It’s a scary situation to be in. I don’t have a Master’s Degree or 100K student loan debt but I have a third of that. I have $30,000 in student loans which I was really feeling the pressure of that over the past 5 years. And I loved the jobs I was working but I also felt that they were empty at the end of the day. I tried to decide what I really wanted. I want to help other people; I want to empower women; I want to create things that will cause people to have conversations that might be taboo or uncomfortable but they really need to have. And I figured out that those were things I actually had when I was in porn. That was a huge thing for me to realize. I think I was too young and inexperienced to realize it back then so I didn’t know how to make the most of it. It’s funny to me that I came full circle to what I was doing before. I think everyone has that period when you’re still really young and just out of high school and you’re very idealistic. You think that everything’s achievable and you can do anything you want. And that’s the state of mind I was in when I decided that I wanted to do adult films. And it just lined up for me that I had the ability and resources to move out to California when I wanted to. It was really because of the stigma and pressure from my family that I quit. But now that I’m older and I have better resources and I’m really happy that I’m home again. The same place I was before; a little older, a little smarter and definitely better prepared to navigate everything around me.
CJ: You have a little change-up top! Tell me about that.
Siri: Yes! I had breast reduction surgery about a year and a half after I retired. It’s been 3 years now since the operation. This is way more contentious than it should be in my opinion. I have fans who are really mad about it. We started out the phone call with you saying that I look great and I thank you but one of the reasons, I think, is because I’m happy. And a huge part of why I’m so happy now is that I did something that I’ve always wanted to do since I was 15-years old; not have these enormous boobs that I had before. And I know that’s so disappointing to some of my fans but, also, I always follow up with, ‘If you’ve watched everything that I’ve done or a large part of what I’ve done, and you’re really a big fan, I think if you’re being honest with yourself as a fan, you’re not a fan because I had giant boobs, you’re a fan of the whole Siri experience and that’s no different now.’ I say it’s even better now and more authentic because I feel so much more comfortable in my own skin than I did when I was 23 or 24.
CJ: What size are you now?
Siri: Pre-reduction surgery, depending on my weight, it was 32H or 32G and now I’m a 32DDD which is about 2 cup sizes smaller.
CJ: That’s still pretty damn big!
Siri: Yes, they’re still larger than average!
CJ: You also said you wanted to get breast reduction surgery since you were 15, how big were they back then?
Siri: They were already too big for my liking. I wasn’t an early bloomer at all. I remember being in early middle school, about 7th or 8th grade in 2001-02, I was a magazine-a-holic. I wanted to be a makeup artist at the time and I would buy every teen magazine and tear out the editorials that had makeup tips and looks and stuff. I saved them all and I had a huge stack of pages. I read so many teen magazines and it probably wasn’t super healthy because they were so image-focused. I remember being 12-years old and seeing ads for “grow your bust”. I never bought one of those but I considered it because, at the time, I felt my boobs weren’t big enough. That’s sad because I was still a child but that’s the way it’s sold to women and girls. I felt insufficient and wished I had bigger boobs! My wish came true but it was more than even what I thought was reasonable. By the time I was a junior in high school, I found out that I couldn’t go to Victoria’s Secret with my friends. I couldn’t go and find any bras that would fit me. It was just clear that I had more up top than anyone I knew. I was also a tomboy and really wanted to play sports. It was around 8th grade when I was running track and realized all the athletic girls had basically no boobs. Were they faster because they had smaller chests or what? The chicken or the egg. So I just wished I had more proportional boobs for my body size. So I was thrilled when I finally had the surgery. First of all, my insurance covered it entirely and I was surprised by that. To be honest, I wanted it enough, if I had saved up, I would have done it myself. That’s also why the surgery wasn’t super extreme. My surgeon explained it to me in a much more eloquent and concise way than I can explain it to you, but he said to retain all the feelings and the nerve endings in the nipples especially, you can only remove so much tissue from a breast during reduction surgery. He was also very determined that I retain the sensitivity and, I told him I was never going to have kids, but he wanted to leave all of the milk ducts and all that structure intact so that I would never have to worry about breastfeeding. Actually, my nipples are more sensitive now, since the surgery.
CJ: You shot your first (and only) anal scene right before your retirement. Are you going to continue to shoot anal?
Siri: Yes. Absolutely. I have one booked for the beginning of March with Bang.com. I’m definitely going to continue to do anal.
CJ: What about the more extreme double anal or double vag?
Siri: I haven’t done those things in my personal life. I think I could probably do double anal. (laughs) I’m just trying to think of the biggest things that I’ve fit into my own butt. Probably some of them would be about the equivalent of two average to medium-size human penises. So I feel pretty confident I could do a double anal. But double vag is the harder one to imagine. The butt can stretch a whole lot but the vagina not so much.
CJ: For fans that are new to you, what are some of your favorite scenes that you could recommend?
Siri: That’s a good question. I’ll have to lead with a scene that is one of my personal favorites but it is a smash hit with fans. Every time I log into OnlyFans or Snapchat, it’s almost always the first thing they bring up. It’s a scene I did with New Sensations with Alec Knight called Having Sex With The In-Laws. I had the bright cherry red hair and that’s a super fun one. Another one I would throw out there is a boy/boy/girl from the star showcase Sirius with Tommy Pistol and Derrick Pierce. That was a fantastic one as well. I would also say any scene I shot with Ramon Nomar because we have fantastic chemistry.
CJ: Now that you’re back, there’s a whole new generation of performers to work with. Are there any performers or directors you would really love to work with?
Siri: So many! Absolutely. There are so many that I can’t list all of them. I would say all of the top performers currently. I’m just so excited to work with them. The current crop of performers that I got a chance to rub elbows with a couple of weeks ago at AVN. These are literally my people. I’m meeting women who have a similar mindset who have a similar approach to the way they’re shooting content. I want to say literally everyone but that’s my honest answer. I’m really excited about the state of the industry right now and there are too many people that I want to work with that I can’t even name them all. (laughs) But one director I really want to work with is Bree Mills. I got a chance to meet her at XBiz last month and I fangirled just a little bit. I love everything that she’s done. I don’t have any specific ideas yet but I really want to focus on creating content. Like writing scripts, I have so many ideas and I feel refreshed being away from it for so long.
CJ: What have you learned about yourself sexually since joining porn?
Siri: Even before I retired and the first anal scene I shot. I did do anal in my personal life but it was never my first pick. But that’s changed wildly over the last couple of years. I probably do butt stuff at least 50% of the time whenever I’m doing anything sexual in my personal life. That’s not just a penis in butt anal but anal stimulation. That’s a huge thing for me. I also say but I’ve had some exploratory times since I retired with dating and relationships and it’s part of what led me back to wanting to get back into porn, is that I realize that I really don’t want to be monogamous. Part of me was committed to that before but in the back of my head, I wasn’t super sure that it was what I wanted. It’s just so not the cultural norm that it’s quite easy to convince yourself that what you want to do is what everyone else seems to be doing. Which is getting married and settling down, especially in your late 20s or early 30s. So I did have a couple of years thinking that is what I wanted but, with time, I’ve come to realize that I actually don’t want that. It doesn’t give me the freedom that I crave emotionally, personally or sexually. That’s a huge thing as well which only benefits me. (laughs) I’m super happy doing porn and want to be doing it.
CJ: What are you like off-camera? When you have free time, what do you do for fun?
Siri: Lately, I’ve been playing a few video games. I’m not super into video games yet but I’m trying to get there. I’ve been playing Life Is Strange on Play Station which has a cult following. This is the first time that I’ve ever mentioned it to anybody that I’m playing it because I’m terrified to mention it out loud and then have someone message me on Twitter and spoil it. That is one thing I have been doing. I also do a good amount of creative side projects. I’ve been reading. I’m in a book club with friends from childhood. We read a full book every month and then discuss it. Another huge, huge hobby—I almost forget to mention that it’s a hobby because it feels like a second job—is powerlifting. I’ve gotten increasingly obsessed with over the past few years. A regular day for me is keeping up to date on all social media, doing some video editing, some other content management stuff, working on creative content then a 3-hour chunk of my day is going to the gym, doing my workout.
CJ: How much do you lift?
Siri: I bench press close to 140 pounds. The deadlift is 265 pounds. And my squats are bad but my goal is to increase it this year, but my max squat has been 210 pounds. I would love for it to be 250. I have very long legs so I’m not built to squat well. (laughs)
CJ: And how can the fans follow you on social media?
Siri: On Twitter, I’m @therealsirips. Instagram is @therealsiri.ps. OnlyFans is Siripornstar. AVN Stars is the real Siri and all my other links are at heySiri.xyz