Okay, let's settle in and give you some background. I first found a glory hole when I was 19. I was home for the summer vacation from college, young and horny. Smoked up some weed, left off my underwear and stepped into a pair of tight jeans. The town where I lived had an Adult Bookstore less than a mile from my house and I was now legal enough to enter it.

I got change and stepped into a booth. Back then they had actual film loops, and this particular store posted the list of which movies were in which booths on a board. I found one that I wanted to watch -- and this many years later, I haven't a clue what it was. But I remember entering the booth, noticing the whole in the wall and then putting in my change. I was high already, the flick got me hard, and then I noticed that hand in the hole, beckoning me over.

Look, I knew it was going to be a guy. I already knew from some brief encounters in college that my cock worked with both sexes -- and so did I. I moved to the hole and the hand came through and groped me. It felt good. No question. After all, I was high, already horny, and the surreptitious nature of it all added to the excitement. What I remember is that as my pants came down, the hand didn't just grope my junk but that he turned me around and began to play with my butt.

A few minutes of that and he pushed me back, then leaned to the hole. A portion of his face was visible, so I bent to hear what he had to say. He invited me to his booth, and I agreed. I stuff my hard cock back in my pants, waited for the film to go dark and left my booth. Looking around I didn't see anyone so I went next door and found it unlocked. It was an older guy -- at this point, I might be the same age as that guy. What he did next surprised me. He got my pants down, turned me around and instead of my dick, he went after my ass hole. That was new! That was exquisite and arousing and I was really enjoying it when he stopped. And the next thing I knew he was easing his cock into my butt!

I don't recall any pain from that time, but I do remember that he didn't take much in and out before he buried his bone and started filling my ass with his come. That was a very unusual sensation and I liked it. Then, moments later he pulled out, spun me around and swallowed my dick whole and sucked me dry. I remember the careful exit from the ABS, checking to see if I was seen by anyone who might know me, and driving home with his come leaking from my ass. Close to fifty years later it's still vivid.

That was the first cock I took up the butt. There were others later, interspersed with relationship with women (including marriage). In graduate school I went back to some guy's dorm room and gave him my butt as well. Afterwards, I visited various ABSs in New Jersey. Mostly I was there to suck dick anonymously, but there was one night in a booth where I got a rim job and gave up my ass in a booth, then turned around and fucked him. Another time a guy who teased me by only letting me get my hands on his big rod through his pants took me back to his house, saying "the only thing that will happen is what you want." Ha! I wanted to suck his beautiful 8 inches -- but he wanted my ass and I gave it to him.

Things changed after that. I left that area and was too busy to find similar facilities in my new location. So for most of the intervening years, my ass had only its normal uses -- a place to sit, something to keep my clothes on and elimination. Not all that exciting.

Now on my own, in my own place, I decided to do whatever I wanted. At an adult store in Montana I bought a life-like 7 inch dildo. The new materials had it feel fleshlike, and I practiced deepthroat on it. Got good at it (with a little help from numbing throat spray) and also found that my ass liked it. I tossed it six months ago, vowing to stay straight.

But you know how it goes -- I want to stay straight, but I'm more drawn to dicks in porn. I talk to myself and critique every woman giving oral sex. I could do better. She probably doesn't even like to do it. Yadda, yadda, yadda. So I found an app for online gay meetings and began to look. What I really wanted was to find a top with a big cock and his own place so I could go there and make him happy. Mostly thinking about sucking cock. I was on my own for the past few years, but was now out in rural Texas where the opportunities were rather slim. If I ever found what I wanted (again, a big cock with a place of his own), I wanted to be ready to submit to whatever he wanted. Hell, I was even hoping to find a guy with friends -- I'd been dreaming of being spit-roasted ever since I heard about it.

If I was going to do that, I reasoned, I better resume my throating practices. So I went online. Lo and behold, Amazon has a huge selection of such things. There was only one issue -- written measurements aren't always accurate. The first I box I got from them had a pink silicone cock. It was a little thicker than my dick, but an inch shorter. I could get most of it in my mouth without needing to open my throat. No challenge. The other unusual thing was that it went right up my ass, all the way, with no pain whatsoever! And it wasn't doing anything for me internally when I got it up there. I guess that over the years my asshole lost its clench on its own.

So, I decided to go bigger. And, as a change, to buy one in chocolate brown. I had lube. I had a throat spray but not a numbing one, so found the right kind, an enema bulb to clean out, and a dark chocolate dildo. It looked big, but on a family site they don't compare it to the real thing so once again I had to guess.

It arrived yesterday. And it's fucking awesome! 9.5 inches from balls to tip. 2.5 inches wide. It makes the pink one look like a white man's cock. Like mine. It's a little more flexible than I wanted -- I was thinking I wanted something harder, but the size was right.

So last night, after going without for many years, now retired, with arthritis in one knee, I went to put it to the test. First, I cleaned out my ass. When what came out was clean, I knew it was time. So I lit up a pipe full from my collection. No more sticks and stems, this was all buds from Colorado that I picked up last time I was there.

Now nicely stoned, I began to lubricate my big toy. As I began to stroke it, I closed my eyes and it was very easy to imagine it was real. I've had one or two big ones in my life, and they are all special. This was even bigger. My first thought was to use the suction cup mechanism and mount it on a wall, then back onto it -- but that didn't work out. See, as long and thick as it was, as realistically veined and crafted, it was missing the kind of rigidity a hard cock has. Maybe I needed to have spent more; more likely, I needed to try one before I buy one, but adult stores are rare where I am. So when I hit the road again, I'll be looking for one.

Anyway, any attempt I wanted to make to have it feel like a black dude with a big cock was going to plow my ass from behind wasn't working. Instead of going in to my ass, it slid down and banged my balls. Being stoned, I wasn't feeling pain, but I certainly wasn't getting what I wanted. That meant I needed to rethink my plan. While I used to be able to mount one on the floor, my knees concerned me. I could just see doing that and then being unable to get up! Nope.

Finally, I found a bench in my apartment. To deal with the soft surface, I grabbed a cutting board and big boy stuck to that. However, the height meant I had to stand on my toes and spread my legs wide. No problem, I thought, and with one hand firmly wrapped around my toy I lowered myself onto it. I felt it at the entrance, and realized I was clenching my ass. I relaxed, and it began to slide into me. Oh yes! It felt amazingly good. The attention I was giving to it had my cock shrink to a floppy state but who cared? I was taking a big black cock up my ass and the feelings were indescribable. I keep sliding down on it and it kept stretching my insides until it finally went no further. I wanted to feel the balls of it on mine but I had an inch that wouldn't go in for that to happen.

I was incredibly full of cock! It took my breath away, frankly. Once I was used to it, I lifted myself off it until just the head was there and then slid back down. My cock began to stir, and it felt as if somehow it was connected to that **** in my ass. I began to bounce up and down, ignoring the pain in my knees as they stretched in a direction they never had gone before.

If you've done this, you know. You know how it feels to have your prostate massaged by a dick as you play with your self. You know the orgasm you feel begin back there work its way out of you. You know that it leaves you blown away by the intensity of it. Right?

But you also know what's missing, at the same time. First off, the hardness of an erection. Second, the pounding by that hard erection as the guy begins to work his way into and out of you, and then picks up speed and pounds you. That giving up of all control and surrendering to the dick up your ass and then the joy of feeling it jerk and twitch and pulse and spray hot, sticky liquid deep in your guts.

I gotta convince one of those big dicks out there that my ass is worth his time.